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s0me0nen0tme
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Name: Elena
Birthday: 8/21/1992
Gender: Female
Interests: My likes and dislikes phase in and out. Today I really like the Faces. A month ago I was all about Shwayze. That's just the way it is. So its hard to define my interests, especially since I'm not big on coming back here every month to update who I'm currently listening to. So I'm going to say that I am interested in a lot of things, but I don't take myself, or those things too seriously.
Expertise: I don't know. There's always someone out there who's better than you, and I feel like I'm always around those people.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
AIM:  ebbys like
Member Since:
1/27/2004
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| I wish it wasn't cold out. I want to ride my bike.
And I want to make something. I just do not currently have the necessary materials to make what I want to make. maybe tonight. Or tomorrow.
And my dog is freaking out. Apparently she's either really hungry, or she really likes graham crackers, because she's been sitting next to me for the past hour and a half whining and whining until I give her one.
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| So I was burning a cd. First time thing because I'm incompetent.
And the first one didn't work. The second one skipped. And then the third one killed my computer. The disc drive will not open. Crap.
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| So. Hm. I'm cold. And I've been thinking that I need to stop complaining. I'm not living my life to the fullest, which I guess sucks, but what does that mean anyways? Does living life to the fullest mean eating a lot? Because, you know, when you eat a lot you get full. But eating leads to fatness. Which is not optimal.
So, yeah, I want to know what that means. Because everyone says that that's the thing to be doing. Live without regrets. But you know, I regret a lot of things. Not like big things, but little things, like oh, I regret saying something, because then there's this really awkward silence that ensued. There's nothing I can do about those things. I'm just a socially awkward person, and there's not a lot to do about that.
So I guess I'm going to say that I think that living my life to the fullest would involve doing what I want to do. Unless what I want to do involves 5 hours of tv a night. So what exactly is it, that I want to do?
Right now, I want to be warm. I want to live my life in saturated color, and I want to climb a tree. I want to fall in love, but I'm not desperate for that, I know it will happen when it happens. I would like to find a really, really crunchy leaf to step on. I want to eat some beef stew. I want to magically become a good, and confident driver. I want magic to exist. I want to think abstractly. I want to learn how to whittle. I want to learn how to play the fiddle. I want to always want to listen to upbeat music, like the Faces, or Noah and the Whale. Save me from that Chiodos crap.
That all seems kind of selfish to me, to get all that. Look at the starving children in Africa. I guess they don't have to worry about Chiodos, or driving. And a lot of them probably do climb trees. And Africa isn't particularly cold either. That's not the point though. I want, I want, I want. I'm a member of the Entitlement Generation. And I don't want to be, because I feel like that makes me less of a good person, and like people who are older than me are looking down on me saying, "I had to walk 3 miles in the snow just to get to school...". But its not my fault really. I grew up with a really nice childhood, I didn't get every single thing I wanted, but I was never in need of anything. And that doesn't make me a bad person... that just makes me lucky.
  
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| 6 days until the election. Wow. 6. That's not many. And its kind of freaking me out.
Now, I support Obama, very much. He's not perfect, but I think he'll be good for the country.
And then there's John McCain. And between 40 and 50 percent of the country support him. And that's scary. Because I was 8 when George W. was elected. Before that I probably didn't even know what a president was, let alone who, and let alone have any opinions on him.
So during the past 8 years as I've become more aware politically, I've become more aware of how much I dislike George Bush. And 6 days from now, millions of people who are all at least two years older than me will be deciding the future of this country. But I will not be. I'm old enough to be tried as an adult, and decide my future, and drive a car, and I'm old enough to live with the mistakes of the people who govern my country. Astounding debt everywhere, the country, big companies, even my school district. But I'm not allowed to give my input on who I think should be the one making the mistakes.
So, I'm worried that John McCain could pull ahead. He could win. That terrifies me actually. I don't want to hate the president for another 4-8 years. But then I'm also worried that Obama could win, and not live up to expectations. I think that may just be my dislike for the current president. I'm used to disliking him, and not disliking the commander in chief will honestly just feel weird.
I feel safer right now, during the race. Nothing is definite, so while it means McCain could win, it also means that McCain could lose. So I have hope. I hope that in 6 days I am not disappointed.
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| I've been thinking. I guess I do that as much as the average person. Thinking is kind of unavoidable.
And I guess I was thinking about college. And then I was confused.
Confused because, it has always been that I enjoy art, but there's no way to make a living off of art.
But now I know the last part isn't true. There's a career in art for almost every letter of the alphabet. And several that fall under the same letter...
So I had always planned to go to a Liberal Arts school or something. But now I'm wondering if maybe I want to go to a just arts school?
I know I'm not some magnificent artist or anything, but at least I enjoy it.
What do I enjoy about my other classes? The final bell? the occasional movie? pictures? labs? making posters?
I always figured that I would go to college and decide what I want to do from there. What if I get to college and decide that I want to go to an Arts school?
And I know that in theory its never too late to go back and try again, but I also know that I wouldn't go back. I would settle. Or I would say that one day I would go back, but never actually go. That's just how I work.
And it seems unfair that I might have to decide the course of my life when I'm only seventeen years old. Which means I have another year to figure things out. That's not a lot of time. And I think I'm overreacting, but I'm kind of worried now. Maybe I'll just apply to both types of colleges...
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